Friday, September 09, 2011

it's not easy (louie's heart edition)

all i can say is being a mom is totally and utterly heart wrenching sometimes. this was one of those days...





at louie's 2 month appointment his pediatrician heard a heart murmur and referred me to a cardiologist to have it checked out. they couldn't get me in for 10 days and of course i was worried sick waiting (i also made the rookie mistake of looking at the internet. why do i do that time and time again and when will i learn?) we took him in on wed. and it was one of the most stressful days of my life. they did a bunch of tests before the cardiologist even saw him and everything looked great, everyone was commenting on how chunky and healthy he looked and assured me he did not look like a baby with a heart problem. so i was feeling pretty good. when the time came for the doctor to come and asses him and listen to his heart she pretty much reiterated what everyone had said up until that point, even adding that he may not even need the echocardiogram. well, she took one listen and i could tell she was concerned, especially when she called a cardio med student in to listen to it. she basically told me that from listening to his heart she was pretty certain that he had a hole between the two bottom chambers of his heart. the tears started to flow. for all of us. the news was unexpected and scary. she told us nothing was certain until the echo but that she felt that is what was causing the murmur. the echo took 45 min. and baby louie did so good and was so patient, even smiling and then drifting off to sleep. we met with the doctor afterwards who informed us she was happy to be wrong, baby louie's heart is structurally perfect, free of any holes. he does however have pulmonary valve stenosis (a mild case) it is where the valves that take the blood from the heart to the lungs are not quite opening as large as they should so the heart has to do a little extra work to get the blood to the lungs, thus causing the murmur the doctors heard. good news compared to what we were looking at but still devastating to find out your baby has anything but a perfectly working heart.

but i am so grateful.

my boy is healthy and happy and wont even need to be seen again by the cardiologist for a whole year.

i'm telling you though, there is nothing in this whole world that compares to the worry a mother has for her sick (or potentially sick) child. it is torture.

i am humbled by this experience and am even more grateful to my father in heaven for the blessings in my life.

life is so good. even when it's really really hard.

21 comments:

Amy D. said...

Glad to hear the news was positive, thinking of you and your sweet boy. xoxox

jonahliza said...

glad to hear everything's ok <3

becky said...

i can't even begin to tell you how much i love you. i was thinking about you all day on wednesday. the heartache of having a "heart" baby (this i know all to well) is rough, but they are so strong and resilient. louie is blessed to have you as his momma.

Tahni said...

oh Amy I am soooo happy Louie is ok. My heart was racing as I was reading this. You are such a good mommy. I am so sorry you had a scare like this, nothing is worse. But it puts your life into perspective REAL fast to go through things like this.

mom24orsinis said...

Thanking the Lord for that blessing on Louie and your family...while we know He will give us the strength to grow through any adversity, we cannot help but be completely humbled when we do not have to live through a life changing struggle.

I know you are loving on your babies all the more!!! Each one...beautiful.

gaw said...

Oh no! So glad to hear the outcome was positive. Could you get a break one of these days and get a baby that doesn't have to have a trip to the hospital??

Suzanne said...

So scary. I know this all too well, except it was Emma's lungs. Baby Louie is a blessed little boy.

sarah marie. said...

so happy that all is well. i love you.

kristina said...

Just passing by your blog and am so sorry to hear you had to go through that! it made me remember my 2 month old boy's scary instance., it sucks! but so happy to read that he is fine! he is a darling! and you look beautiful!

Blanche and Guy said...

yikes - I bet that was a very scary day! so glad to read that it is all okay. yay for Louie! :)

Heather "Rita" said...

Sweet little louie and sweet mama amy! I'm so glad everything was okay!

Even seeing that room makes me feel a bit sick...reminds me of Stelly and all she had to go through.

It is so humbling and reminds us of all we have to be grateful...sweet Louie is a healthy little chunk! What a doll...

I've been thinking of you and am so glad all is well...much love...

crazehs said...

I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to let you know I think your attitude about this trying time is amazing. My son was born 8 months ago with a CHD and it has been a very trying journey. I am so thrilled to hear that it is not something more serious for your sweet baby. I know one thing for certain is that having a child born with a CHD has made me cherish him that much more. I am grateful for every moment we have and all the surgery free days.

Ana said...

I follow your blog and i am so glad that it is nothing serious. My son is a heart baby and had open heart surgery when he was 10 days old. He gets echos every 6 months and has been taking blood pressure meds since his first surgery. Regardless of the situation it is always so hard to have your kids sick and it always worries any parent. I worry all the time about his situation since we don't really know if he will need another surgery but I am definitely grateful that God saved my baby's life when we didn't know what was wrong and God really is amazing and blesses us with these little humans in such a tremendous way.

Rachelle said...

so glad everything is okay. :)

when my little guy was 6 months old he had to be in the hospital for a week! i was with him the whole time. he had to have a little surgery on his lymph node in his neck, that out of nowhere became inflamed really big! it was awful. we prayed and cried so much that week. it's heart wrenching seeing your children hurt.

but you are right, life is good!

art.soul said...

so happy to know it is all ok, now.
i can even imagine the rollercoaster of emotions you went through.
all the best for you all

My Georgie Girl said...

Life is truly so precious! I'm glad your beautiful baby is okay. I'll keep him in my prayers. XO

Bridget said...

suuuuuuuuuuuch torture. literally makes you despondent to be that mom. when my little guy who is now 2 months old was a few weeks old he had a little blood in his spit up. went to the ER -- i was a basketcase-- pokes and prodding and him crying and me crying and we discovered it was just some acid reflux. hasn't happened since but i was literally on my knees praying all would be well. being a mom is the most vulnerable i've ever felt. feeling your pain, mama, and praying lewie's appts. all go swimmingly!

HeHe24 said...

I'm so happy to hear your baby is okay. What really upsets me about this story, though, is what so many doctors do - tell you the very worst thing that could be wrong with your baby BEFORE the tests. I think it's cruel, unkind, and way too scary for a mom to have to endure. My husband is a physician and he hates that as much I do. I wish all mothers would come together and tell the doctors we see, to stop doing that. To wait to tell us AFTER the tests. Save us a few minutes or days or weeks of pure panic. Doesn't that makes more sense? I'm so sorry you had to go through all this with your precious baby. I hope you never have to again.

Megan said...

I'm pretty new to your blog and hadn't seen this before. I feel for ya! My nephew will be 3 in August and he finally was physically able to say two very important words to any parent - momma and daddy. He was born with many issues, the biggest being the cleft lip but also a cleft esphogus. He physically couldn't talk because air wasn't getting to where it needed to in order to produce sounds. He could grunt and cry and whine but nothing more. He was learning sign language but there is now hope where there were only questions before.

I also feel you because you're right about a parent having to go through something bad with their child. My parents lost my brother after a 6 month battle with cancer. They were there with him through the whole thing (he was 31) and seeing that, being involved in that, was horrible. I look at my 3 year old daughter and hold her tight extra long on days I read about other people's children. Her doctor when she was first born thought she had a heart murmur too and I was so nervous. Luckily it was nothing, but that pain of "there's something wrong" is hard to deal with, even when smaller than originally thought like in your case.

Sarah Kyle said...

Im a newbie to your blog, followed a link from nat the fat rat! This post made me cry a storm, I am so emotional since having my little guy and I cannot fathom dealing with that sort of thing. You are such a strong woman! So glad to hear that Louie is healthy my prayers go out to him and all the mothers dealing with sick babes.

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